Nik


you can put anything here

Tuesday, July 10, 2012 @ 12:30 AM PERMALINK

I was one of those born catholics. In another words, both my parents are Catholic and before I was even one year of age, I was dunked into cold water and called a Catholic too.

I don't resent it. I do not look at my years of religious education with distaste. I enjoyed the experience. I never encountered a hateful catholic educator. I was taught love, compassion, non-judgement and kindness in a Catholic school. (Not that I assume that I would have been taught otherwise elsewhere) 

I did (of course) later on go for all the required sunday classes. I took catechism quite seriously. By seriously, I mean I went every Sunday. Although as I grew older, I started arriving later.  I went to mass after/before classes depending on when my friends were going but we still went religiously. (haha, pun) 

I was also in a Catholic extra curricular group in secondary school although it was not something exciting. I was lucky to have several catechism teachers who did not take the teachings on God blindly, we were taught that it was okay to ask questions and that some times it was important to be exposed to things that others deemed would make you question your faith (supposedly that meant things like the Da Vinci Code) 

There were (and still are) things I did not subscribe to. I don't believe in confession. I fail to understand why I should have to tell my sins to a priest for him to declare that God has forgiven me. Is God not all forgiving any way? I was also a very angry teen, so I saw no point in apologizing for things I knew I would just feel angry about again later. 

After we all got confirmed and weren't required to go for lessons anymore, a large group of us still attended mass together. Slowly that number died down and eventually, I stopped going except for religious days of obligation.

Bong and I used to go with the family for mass on Sundays then even that started to waive. We got too tired to attend morning mass so he went for evening mass with his friends instead. I worked sunday evenings so I didn't go. I could have gone on Saturdays but I always had something else to do.

I tried going by myself a couple of times but each and every time I went, I found myself disagreeing with something or other the priest said. I remember walking out of mass once when he said something about praying for the souls of homosexuals. I don't see why homosexuals need to be prayed for more, I think their souls are perfectly fine. 

I believe that all religion in general (minus any anarchist / satanic styled religions I don't know anything about ) teaches the same principles. Be good, be kind, don't inflict harm and when you die, a good after life (in whatever form you believe it to be) awaits you. 

I don't like it when religions fight with each other. I don't see why everyone can't just figure that they are talking about the SAME things. I don't like fear mongering. I don't believe that because I'm not the same religion as you that I'm going to hell. I'm not sure there is a hell for normal people with normal faults.

I never doubted that there is a higher power out there looking out for us,  I find it comforting to think so. But I do find myself disgusted when I read the papers to find out that leaders of organized religious groups use God for their own benefit. I hate it when men/ladies of the cloth escape the law because organised religion provides them with an easy escape. It is also sobering to realize how much power the church wields on modern society.

I don't agree with shaming people. I don't agree with don't hate the sinner, hate the sin when 'sin' is thrown around so loosely.

I'm still drawn to attending mass (perhaps, I admit, due to 17 years of conditioning) and I do find it comforting. I find it nice to be quiet for one hour, although I have to admit that hour is often interrupted by my phone.

Just this week, I went alone and I sat through the sermon and listened to every word.  It was a good one too. It was about how we need to contribute ourselves to spread God's love. Going to a ritual ceremony every week out of habit or guilt does not make one religious. It shows an amount of commitment, it keeps you close to the roots of your religion but so many religious people lead very unkind and unreligious lives.

(Disclaimer: I also do know a ton of religious people that live very religious lives and who are really saint-like, I owe a lot of what I have to many of them. But thats a story for some other time)  

Sometimes I feel that love and kindness is so much more apparent around us in the real world than in organised religious societies and I wonder if I really need to keep attending mass when I know there is good out there. 

So many churches stand for things I do not believe in. Likewise, so many churches and religious groups have done so much for other people. There are also a ton of horrible non religious people and great non religious groups. 

I'm not saying I'm giving up being Catholic or that I don't believe in God. I still pray every night, I have also decided to make the effort to attend mass now that I'm off on Sundays, even if it means going alone. 

I guess, I'm just admitting that after 23 years of age, things are just not so clear anymore and that I'm on a personal journey to rediscover if I think my religion is really all we make it out to be. 

Wish me luck!  

Labels: Insights, religion

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