Nik


you can put anything here

Saturday, September 15, 2012 @ 9:48 AM PERMALINK

You know that spiral of despair people talk about?

Not the kind brought on by your imaginary problems of not being able to go to the coolest concert or not being able to get the boy you want.

Not the kind of despair you feel because you aren't pretty enough or because your boyfriend keeps cheating on you and you keep taking him back.

I'm talking about the kind of despair people try to avoid by doing things like giving to the homeless, helping out at animal shelters, smiling at strangers on the street and giving directions to lost tourists. The kind that secretly plays a part in our motivation us to be polite to the elderly and to not be racist. The kind of despair one seeks to avoid simply by being a good person and helping the world out a little.

I'm talking about an almost specific kind of despair, the kind that makes you give up on the alleged kindness of the world. The brand of dispair that makes you feel like you are just going through life waiting for it to end. Not even because you are thinking of ending it prematurely but simply because you have nothing to look forward to.

Yes, not the kind that makes you want to listen to emo music and cry. It's the kind that takes away your enjoyment of music. That drains the taste from food and takes away the funny out of jokes.. The kind of despair that doesn't allow you to enjoy the little things in life.

That is the kind of despair that is starting to take seed in my gut and im really not sure I can fight it off.

I'm just so tired. Post a Comment